


A Single Shred of Light

by WaywardCharlie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardCharlie/pseuds/WaywardCharlie
Summary: How do you do it?  How do you keep going on?  What do you do when the flame that had just started to burn is completely doused?





	

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at a one shot... Set after the end of season one. This is a dark piece from a dark place but I hope you enjoy the read anyway. Feel free to let me know. I do not own any of the characters.
> 
> Trigger warning: Thoughts and plans of suicide

* * *

How do you do it?  How do you keep going on?  What do you do when the flame that had just started to burn is completely doused?  How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other when the one thing you’ve counted on for too many years has been stripped away like it never was?  When that one thing defined you, in a way that you could live with. When it gave you hope?

It was simple.  You didn’t…  Not without help and the Evil Queen knew there was no one that would ever offer her that help.

That was why Regina was sitting in her study in the dark at two in the morning.  The love of her son stripped away by her own hand.  Any chance at love with the Savior, something she had only just admitted, if only to herself, that she so desperately wanted, killed by her past in a single aching moment that she had known was coming and had been helpless to stop.  Her world was dark, far darker than it had ever been before, there was not a single shred of light, of hope left in it.  Not even a curse to cast.

The curse had been broken and it had left her with nothing.  She wasn’t surprised by this, she had cast the curse in the beginning because she had nothing but a burning desire for revenge and with it broken, she didn’t even have that any more, love for a boy and his mother having stripped her of every defence she had kept in place all those years.  Her world was empty now, achingly so and her life stripped of the little good it had held.  Now she had no reason left to fight, she had lost everything and had no one to blame but herself.

She sat at her desk and arranged the paperwork so it would be easy to find, two envelops on top, names scrawled across them.  She ran her hands lovingly across both names.  They had each other, they would be happy without her.  She stared at one name until it started to blur and she realised she was crying.  She swiped at the tears angrily.  She had cried enough in the past few weeks but that time had passed.  Now was the time for action, the time to put her last plan into motion.

She stood up and tossed her keys onto the desk, she had no need of them anymore.  She picked up the half full bottle of scotch that had been waiting for her and tucked it under one arm, making sure she had everything else she needed then left the house. 

She walked towards the harbor, shivering in the cool night air, the jacket she had chosen wasn’t very warm.  She found a bench and sat down.  She placed the bottle of scotch next to her on the seat and pulled the pills out of her pocket, placing them carefully beside it.  She could do this, it was better for everyone if she just wasn’t around anymore. 

There was just one more thing she had to do.  Unable to help herself, she pulled out her phone and sent a text.  A goodbye that wasn’t worded as a goodbye.  A hidden plea for help she didn’t know she was asking for.

_You win, Emma._

Regina opened the bottle of scotch and drank a mouthful, ignoring the pills for the moment.  She felt it burn down her throat and sit warmly in her belly.  Her phone sounded loud in the quiet of the night.  She looked down at it and opened the message.

**What do you mean, I win?**

Regina felt irritation briefly flair as she stared at the words, how could she not know?  The woman had everything, the gratitude of the town, her son…  Her heart.  Before she could question her actions, she responded.

 _I won’t be a problem for you anymore_. 

There was a slight delay, then a message came through.

**A problem?**

_I’m taking myself out of the game.  You win.  I can’t do it anymore._

Almost immediately there was a reply.

**Where are you?**

Regina sighed, it seemed the Savior wouldn’t even let her do this without trying to interfere.

_It does not matter.  It’s easier for everyone if I am not around anymore.  Everyone will be much happier that way._

Her phone started to ring and she ignored it.  She was going to sit and watch the sun rise one more time in the town she had created and then she was done with life.  It had been nothing but cruel to her and she was done.

* * *

Emma groaned as she heard her phone go off.  Being the sheriff and the Savior was really starting to suck.  She never had any peace.  Everyone always wanting something.  Nobody cared what she wanted, which was to just be left alone.  She blearily glanced at her phone and then sat up with a start, forcing her eyes to focus.  “I win?” She frowned in confusion.  She hadn’t spoken to Regina since the curse had broken and she’d stopped the town from trying to murder her.  “What the hell does she mean, I win?”

She responded and then waited impatiently for a response.  Did Regina really have to do this at two in the morning?  Couldn’t it have waited until a decent hour, say midday?  She felt her phone vibrate as the beep sounded and read the response.  “You won’t be a problem?  You’re being a problem right now.”  She grumpily muttered, but something wasn’t sitting right with her.  Something niggled at the back of her mind so she responded.

When Regina’s reply came in she felt the bottom drop out of her stomach as her mind connected all the dots and the niggle became panic.  She knew what it meant.  She knew what Regina was not saying because she had felt that way herself on more than one occasion and the thought that the woman she secretly loved was on the precipice of something she could never take back, never fix, terrified her.

Emma quickly sent a message back and jumped out of bed.  She dragged on jeans and socks, shoved her feet into her boots and took off out of the apartment, grabbing her keys and jacket on the way.  “Come on, come on.  Where are you?” She muttered to herself, waiting for a reply.  She unlocked the bug, jumped in, started the engine and took off towards Miflin street.  Her phone beeped again and she looked at the text.  “God damn it.”  She dialed Regina as she put her foot down.  It rang and then went to voice mail.  She yelled into the phone, “Regina, answer the fucking phone.  Nothing will be easier if you’re gone.  Please…  Just don’t do anything yet.” 

Emma screeched to a stop in front of the Mayor’s mansion and dashed from the car, hitting redial on her phone.  Again it went to voice mail.  She stalked up the path, “I’m at your house and you have five seconds to answer the door or I’m breaking it down.”  She hung up and hammered on the door.  “Regina!” she yelled.

Emma didn’t even pause to wait for a response, just raised her foot and kicked in the door.  “Regina!”  She raced through the house, switching on lights as she went.  “You don’t get to do this.  Do you hear me?  You don’t get to leave me here to deal with this mess alone.  I need you.  Damn it, Regina, answer me!” 

Regina wasn’t upstairs, the living room and kitchen were empty and as she glanced into the study she saw the neatly arranged paperwork on the normally empty desk.  She rushed over, hoping for a clue and noticed an envelope with her name on it.  She ripped it open and began to read.  It started with Regina outlining everything that needed to be done, how to access everything, stuff she never wanted to _need_ to know.  She skimmed over it, looking for a clue to where the brunette was and then she stopped breathing as she got to the bottom of the letter.

 

_Lastly, and I know this is selfish but selfishness is but one of my many flaws, I wonder if perhaps things would have been different if I had just been honest with you, and with myself,  from the very beginning.  This is not the way I ever envisioned telling you, in fact I never thought I would but I find I cannot take myself out of the world without you at least knowing how I feel about you.  I love you, Emma.  I think I have from the moment I met you.  It took me a long time to realise it, even longer to accept and now it is far too late for me to do anything about it.  I ruined any chance I had and I accept that.  This has been the story of my life._

_I know I did not do it well, that it often looked like I hated you.  All the anger, all the fights, it was the only way I knew how to get close to you.  Your passion while we argued burned through me so I found myself searching it out time and time again, baiting you just to feel that passion, that fire.  I know it’s wrong of me to tell you this after I am gone but when have I ever done the right thing where you are concerned?  I only wanted you to know that you are loved, even if it is just the unwanted love of the Evil Queen._

_Always,_

_Regina._

 

Emma tried to swallow around the lump in her throat.   She coughed, clearing the emotional blockage and drew in a deep breath, trying to settle herself.  She grabbed her phone, and dialed as she walked back out the front door and headed to her car.  She almost threw the phone in frustration as it went to voice mail again.  She didn’t yell anymore, she spoke quietly, hoping that it wasn’t already too late.  “Regina, you’re not the only one who hasn’t been honest.  Did you really think I stayed in Storybrooke for Henry?  I mean, come on, if I just wanted Henry, I would have taken him and run.  It’s what I do best but I didn’t, I didn’t run.  I stayed… I stayed here for you.”  She sighed into the phone, “I’m in love with you, damn it, so just answer the phone.”

She climbed back in the bug and sat.  She had no idea where to go, where to look.  She could feel tears beginning to burn her eyes as fear began to take root.  She hadn’t heard from Regina for close to twenty minutes, was she too late to stop her?  “No!  Turns out I’m a fucking Charming and finding people is what we do.”  She started to drive.

* * *

 Regina still hadn’t opened the pills.  She knew she should, that she needed to mix them in with the scotch so it could all just be over with, a slow descent into a final sleep but something kept stopping her.  She wasn’t ready to leave just yet, soon... but not quite yet.  

Her phone sat in her lap, three missed calls from Emma displayed on it.  She knew she shouldn’t listen to them but she wanted to hear the blonde’s voice just one more time.  She accessed her voicemail and listened to the first message.  Emma yelled at her from the phone, telling her it wouldn’t be easier.  The next message played and Emma threatened to break down her door.  The last message played and Emma spoke softly to her.  She played the last message again as tears started to fall down her face.  She played it a third time just to make sure she heard what she thought she heard then she hung up.   She sat for a moment absorbing everything, put the pills back in her pocket and then opened up her phone and sent two words.

* * *

Emma had just finished searching the Mayor’s office and was about to get back in her car when her phone beeped.  She snatched it out of her pocket.

_The harbor._

She jumped back in the bug and sped off.  She reached the harbor in record time and leapt out.  She walked briskly along the boardwalk, taking in the lone figure sitting on the bench.  As she got closer she noticed the bottle sitting next to the brunette.  She sat down, the bottle between them.  She studied the other woman, “Have you done anything yet?”  She voiced the question she dreaded hearing the answer to.

“No.”

Emma nodded, relief flowing through her.  There was silence for a few minutes and then she spoke again.  “Why, Regina?”

Regina stared at the ground.  “Because I was sure I had nothing left here.”

“And now?”

Regina swallowed, tears slowly falling down her face.  “Now…”  She shrugged, “Now I don’t know.”

Emma shifted on the bench so she was facing Regina, “Did you mean what you said in the letter?”

Regina looked away, down the boardwalk.  She nodded then whispered, “Every word.”

Emma reached out and lightly grasped Regina’s chin, turning it until she looked at her.  She used a thumb to wipe away the falling tears and smiled, “I meant what I said, on the phone.  I don’t know if you listened to it yet.”  At Regina’s nod she continued, “So you do have something, someone.  You have me.  If you want…”

Regina shook her head, “But I’m the Evil Queen.”

Emma decided to take a risk and leaned in close, stopping just short of the brunette.  “And I’m _your_ Savior.”  She closed the distance and captured the queen’s lips with her own, the bottle caught between them, forgotten and now, completely unnecessary.

A single shred of light.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> One person can be the difference between life and death. Reach out, let people know you care, that you love them... That they matter.


End file.
